I started writing this blog before COVID19 became a global pandemic, before we were told to stay home. As with many things I start these days, it has taken a while to finish. It is a scary time for a lot of people, but I find myself searching for gratitude. I am grateful for my family. My grandparents, parents, brothers, sister, nephews and nieces, cousins, uncles, aunts, and my little family at home. We are together, even though we may be apart.
Yesterday, Beto and I were discussing how this will impact social interaction moving forward. We have no way of knowing how people will behave after we are given the “all clear” to resume social closeness. In this time of social distancing, the online communities are growing. We are finding more ways of connecting while keeping distance, playing games with each other, and hosting online parties. When this is over, will a person be wary of reaching for another’s hand to shake it? Will people stop greeting each other with a kiss, or a hug? Will stores always be short on hand sanitizer or cleaning products? What about toilet paper? Will I get glares from people when I need to buy more?
I feel like we are in totally uncharted territory here. My hope is that rents get lower, remote jobs are easier to come by, and that the sense of community that is being built gets stronger.
Anyway, I’ll move on to the first year of being a mom now, because that was the initial intent of the post. But you know…just addressing the elephant in the room.
The first year has come and gone. This Valentine’s Day, Joseph turned one. I am still spinning from the whirlwind of it all. A year of being a mother. A year of putting myself second, and some days third, fourth…you get it. I am, by no means, an expert in anything to do with motherhood. I can only speak from my experience, and my participation in this adventure. It is, absolutely, an adventure. It’s like living in a theme park, there is a ton of stimulation, and really fun rides, and some scary roller coasters.
When Joseph turned 1, I reflected a lot on this past year. I felt sad about it in a lot of ways because in the beginning, I wasn’t really in the frame of mind that I wished. I had a lot of dark days, sad days, and a lot of foggy days. My mind was all over the map. I felt a lot of fear, but there was also a lot of happiness. As Joseph grows, it really does get better and better, but I can’t help but feel like I missed a lot of moments.
With all of the stuff happening in the world, there is way too much time for reflection. Haha. Jo was small for such a short time. Like, I blinked and then he was his own person. Those long nights, those sleepy days when I was his only source of nourishment, when I was just an extension of him, that has passed. BUT, there is nothing better than the smile I get first thing in the morning. The big kisses. The “Mama” I can hear when I’m in a different room. He is becoming his own person, with his own choices, his own little jokes, his own rhythm, and a deep, deep love for Elmo.
He has learned to roll over, crawl, stood on his own, taken his first steps. He will soon learn to run. My little boy is growing up at a pace I cannot keep up with, nor one I am ready for, but I am grateful. I am grateful for the pleasure of being his mom. This is only the beginning, there is so much more to come.
Stay safe, everyone. I hope when we come out of it, we can give each other a hug. For now, eat cake.